4x03: They Took My Baby

Brittany was reminiscing about season four. It hadn’t been very good. And of course, when she finally came back to life in the fifth episode, no one was surprised.

She told her friends she was glad to be alive. But her newfound cigarette habit told careful viewers a different story.

“They took my baby,” she said to someone off-screen.

“I know, Brittany. You'll just have to trust my plan.” The voice was cold and mean.

“Has Joe figured it out?” Brittany was concerned.

“Not quite.”

Brittany sighed. “But you've convinced him to go back?” The shot widened, revealing that mean girl.

“That's right.” She cackled. “And when does, everyone will be so surprised.”

***

“We found the body!”

Marecrow had sent Chardion and Scobatron IV to retrieve Brittany’s corpse. They had heard rumors about Brittany. Apparently, she was not a very dynamic or interesting character, but that dumb show revolved around her love for some inhuman creature anyway.

Marecrow rushed down, into the hull, smiling and villainously eyeing the dead girl.

“If we bring her back,” Chardion was so unsure of himself, “will she be half-lion? Like me?”

“I guess we’ll ‘half’ to wait and see.” Scobatron IV had recently been programmed to make puns. It was not very good, but it certainly was not the only poorly written program around.

Marecrow sneered. “Prepare her room!” she commanded.

Chardion and Scobatron IV nodded their heads submissively, grabbed Brittany and carried her away.

***

“Who’s that guy on the other side of the cage?” The baby was curious, but no one else seemed to care.

“Do you think Brittany’s okay?” The nurse looked over at the Giraffetasaur.

The Giraffetasaur was brooding, as usual. “They want her,” he said gruffly, “just as bad as we do.”

“And they can bring her back?”

The Giraffetasaur didn’t have time to respond, because just then, a few guards swung open the cage, pointing their guns at him.

“You’re coming with us, you dirty animal.” It wasn’t a fair characterization. The Giraffetasaur was only dirty because the guards had stuck him in that cage outside.

“You gonna shoot me? Far as I know, I’m the only one who knows how to bring her back.”

“Nope,” the guard laughed. “Gonna shoot the baby.” He grabbed the baby out of the cage. “On your knees!”

The guard looked at the Giraffetasaur, then back down. “Come with us, or we’re gonna shoot this stupid baby’s fat head.”

The Giraffetasaur grimaced. “Go ahead. Shoot the damn baby.”

“No!” The nurse screamed, and knocked the Giraffetasaur’s head against the bars. Sometimes it was a little too easy to knock people out in these shows. But it was still pretty surprising.

“Go ahead, take him away.” The nurse was scared. “Just don’t hurt that baby.”

“And how are we supposed to make this animal cooperate when he wakes up?”

The nurse reached into her pocket. “Give him this,” she spoke softly, and removed a syringe.

“I’m going to kill that baby if this doesn’t work,” the guard grumbled. “But what is it?”

“Isn't that obvious?” The nurse just smiled. “It's a surprise.”