Surprise Joe

Use the episode guide above to make sure you're all caught up on the most surprising ever serial mystery, before you read the newest episode below.

Every Tuesday at 1:00pm, its the most surprising ever serial-mystery, Surprise Joe. Check out the newest episode directly below, or browse through the archives above to catch up.

I don't know Joe Rogan, but I do know somebody who had his picture taken with Joe Rogan once. If you want to learn real things about Joe Rogan, you should Google his name, and probably check out Wikipedia or his official website. Also, I don't know anything about dog staches except that they are cool. If you want your own dog stache, go to Muttropolis.com

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

4x02: We Have to Go Back

The crew disembarked, walked past some stupid-looking guards, and through the open gate. There was a crowd waiting. 


A woman stepped in front of the crowd. She acted like she was in charge, smacking her lips villainously. Birds were flying away, terrified of her assertive, type A tendencies. It was the Marecrow.


“I’ve been waiting for you,” she sneered.

“Ain’t here to see you," the Giraffetasaur said handsomely. “Take us to the king.”

“How thoughtless of me. I should’ve known you’d want to see your daddy.” She laughed.


The Giraffetasaur looked so serious: “Now.”

Her smile turned. “Lot’s changed since you’ve been gone,” she hissed. He growled and stepped toward the Marecrow. Her guards lifted their guns instantly.

He stopped. Then grinned. He took another step toward her. One guard fired a shot. Immediately, that big headed baby pulled a gun, shot once, and killed that guard.

The other guards were so surprised. They didn’t realize the baby killed Joe’s clone in season one. And they definitely didn’t want to shoot a baby. It probably just needed a new diaper, they thought. But the baby was so smart and—noting their hesitancy—shot a few more guards, reloaded and killed the rest.

The baby spoke firmly, gun pointed at the Marecrow: “Why don’t you take us to the king.”

She just laughed. Suddenly, a Giraffetasaur cage fell from the sky. The Giraffetasaur and his crew were trapped.

The nurse screamed, “no!”

                                                  
“This old thing?” the Marecrow smiled. “Don’t look so surprised.”

***


Elsewhere, Joe and Brad were posing for a picture.


“We have to go back,” said Joe. He was so heroic, and the star of the most surprising ever serial mystery, but Joe was getting kind of lame.

“Seriously?" Brad asked. "What’s the point? Brittany’s gone. The show’s awful. Let it go.” Brad was being pretty sensible. The show wasn’t very good.

“I can fix this." Joe looked desperate. "I can save her. I can—”

Just then, Colonel Mean Man barged in, short of breath. “Excuse me.”

“What do you want, villain?” Joe said, not caring much. The Colonel was the worst.

But the Colonel was not discouraged: “The mean girl is gone!”

Brad stared blankly. “Who cares?”

Joe did. It was giving him a plan. And he was so surprised.


The Colonel looked so serious. “She’s on her way to the Surpisland!”

“So you’re saying,” Joe tried to look serious, “we have to go back.”

Brad sighed. “This is so stupid.”

“You’re not getting it,” Colonel Mean Man replied. “She’s looking for the baby!”

Joe grimaced. “And that would mean the end of…”

“Just stop.” Brad was annoyed—but then, intense, dissonant orchestral music started playing. “Every season the show comes back. And every season it gets dumber. And are they just recycling these pictures from season one? At this point, I’m okay with the end of the show.”


 “No!” The Colonel was pretty mad now. But at least it was a new picture. “Don’t you see? Surprise Joe was cancelled almost two seasons ago!” The music was getting louder.

Joe continued: “If she finds the baby, it won’t just be the end of the show.” Suddenly Joe grew a beard, and the background music was making some pretty boring dialogue seem important.


If we don't go back, it won't just be the end.Suddenly, the music stopped. It will be a vague, unsatisfying ending.

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