3x04: Army Crawl

Joe stopped his car in front of the Giraffetasaur’s mansion. “Wait here, little baby. I need to see if the Giraffetasaur has any clues about Brittany.” Joe got out of the car and started toward the house, while the baby sat and listened to the radio.

“Joe!” The Giraffetasaur burst out of his front door, wearing a villainous smirk. “What a nice surprise. But I'm just on my way—”

Joe spoke without saying hello: “Brittany is in trouble.” He didn’t mind being a little rude. Brittany’s life was in danger, and there was no time for pleasantries.

The Giraffetasaur’s smirk vanished. “Trouble?”

“She called this morning. Said something was wrong. There was a loud crash and the line went dead. By the time I got to her house, she was gone. You need to tell me everything you know, or Brittany might not survive until season four.”

The Giraffetasaur reached into his pocket. He had the cure, but what could that have to do with Brittany? “Joe, I don't know what to tell you. I’m not writing the show anymore. In fact, I'm on my way..." the Giraffetasaur was stammering and lying like such a villain. "I'm headed to the bank right now. I need a new checkbook, since I'm a billionaire and all. I just don’t know anything about—”

 

Joe grabbed the Giraffetasaur by his extra long neck. “Shut up and listen to me!” Joe looked so serious. He talked in an especially deep and threatening voice. “I heard your message on Brittany’s answering machine. And I think I have a plan." The Girrafetasaur looked surprised. "But first, tell me: Have you read Mayor Mean Man's M.E.A.N. Plan?”

The Giraffetasaur had spent plenty of time listening to people debate the Plan, but he was sure no one had ever actually read it. “Of course not Joe, I am a billionaire and I don’t have time for—”

“Shut up!” Joe shouted. He was not surprised. “Do you know why those important scientists took your money to find that important cure?” The Giraffetasaur did not. “Mayor Mean Man is building an army of disgruntled babies. A Military of Evil and Angry Newborns.”

“M.E.A.N…” The Giraffetasaur was so surprised. How had he not put it together? He thought of Brad trapped in that cage in his basement, with all of that cure. Oh no...

He thought he heard a baby cry from inside the house, but it was just that big-headed baby, moaning and whining and being such a baby in the car. Joe and the Giraffetasaur raced over.

“What is it little baby?”

The baby was so upset, partly because the story had taken such a bizarre turn (an army of babies?) and partly because no one had found Brittany (the baby really wanted to feed).

But mostly, the baby was upset about one message that kept repeating on that car radio. So they listened:

“This is Mayor Mean Man. Today, the M.E.A.N. Plan goes into effect. Everyone, please come to the town hall immediately. And don’t worry: We have enough cure for everyone…”