3x01: No News Is Good News

No one really wanted the show to come back. No one cared when Joe and his friends got stuck in a time warp. Or that the most beautiful nurse was actually an all-grown-up baby trying to foil the mean man’s mean plan to stop Brittany from ever getting pregnant in the first place. They didn’t even care that the Giraffetasaur banished the writers from the writer’s room, and now was writing the show himself.

They didn’t care. But they were all very surprised.

Joe felt good when he woke up that morning. He had the day off work, and was fixing a healthy meal. He sipped his orange juice. There was some pulp in it. He was not very surprised. He always drank orange juice with some pulp. He spooned cereal into his mouth. Nothing surprising there. He was a little relieved, and hoped that maybe he would have a relaxing, surprise-free day all to himself.

Joe picked up the morning newspaper. The headline was not very surprising. “Mayor Mean Man Approves M.E.A.N. Plan.” Everyone knew about the M.E.A.N. Plan.

On page three there was a big color photo of the Giraffetasaur. “Handsome Billionaire Donates; Finds Cure.” Joe was not surprised. The Giraffetasaur was writing the show, after all.

He turned to the back page. “Most Beautiful Nurse Found Missing in Home.” Joe was not sure exactly what that meant. But the nurse was such an ancillary character, that no one really cared.

Joe put down the newspaper, and turned on the television. Brad’s public access show was just starting. Joe was not surprised. Good Morning, Brad always started at 8:30, just as Joe would leave for work.

“Today I’d like to talk to you about Mayor Mean Man’s M.E.A.N. Plan.” Brad looked so angry when he held up his copy of the newspaper. “This mayor has exposed himself over and over again as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred of babies and the baby culture!” Brad looked so mad. “I’m not saying he doesn’t like babies. I’m just saying these are questions we should be asking.” And then the phone rang.

Joe looked across the room. Why would anyone call him at home right now? No one knew he had the day off work. Joe stood up. He walked over to the phone, paused, and lifted the receiver. “Hello?”

“Joe?” It was Brittany. She sounded so surprised. “Joe, something’s wrong. I…” She stopped talking, and Joe heard a crash on the other end.

“Brittany?” She didn’t respond. “Brittany, I’ll be right over.” But he was talking to the dial tone. When he jumped in his car he was not surprised that there seemed to be a few surprises on the way.