2x03: Hello, Nurse

The baby watched the most beautiful nurse dress the Giraffetasaur’s wound.  No one really could remember why the baby had shot the Giraffetasaur.  In fact, neither could the baby.  Probably because the writers had never given the baby a good reason.  But then, babies rarely have good reasons for anything.

Except, that nonsense just made the baby feel cranky again.  The story was getting too complex—the baby thought—and for what?  Joe, Brittany, Brad, and the mean man had disappeared in a scientifically improbable burst of light and sound—and the writers never even explained where they went!  The baby didn’t care about Surprise Joe anymore.  In fact, the baby imagined—no one did. 

And that’s when the most beautiful nurse realized the baby was pointing a gun at her.

“I am ending this nonsense right here."  The baby was growling like the craziest baby.  "Who are you?”  The baby asked, looking irrational or like he needed a nap or some milk.

The most beautiful nurse was not surprised.  She answered coolly: “They sent me to save the story.”  The baby was confused.  But the Giraffetasaur grinned.  “Joe, the others,” she continued, “everyone is in trouble—“

“That’s right,” the Giraffetasaur cackled.  “They’re gone forever, because I sent them into a Time Warp…  And since Joe can’t get a plan, he’ll never be able to save them!”  The Giraffetasaur laughed like a villain as he continued to summarize his evil plan: “From now on, I’ll be the one having surprises and getting plans!”

The most beautiful nurse shook her head with disapproval.  “Joe couldn’t get a plan,” she explained, “so the mean man did.”

The Giraffetasaur’s jaw dropped.  He would never...  “Joe would never agree to a mean plan!”

The most beautiful nurse shook her head again.  “He already has.”  She turned toward the door.  “Follow me to the Big Screen.”

So they followed her down a long hallway while she talked.  “If Joe goes through with the mean man’s mean plan, all of this,“—she pointed to many important things—“will be gone forever.”

The most beautiful nurse stopped in front of an important looking door.  “I can show you where Joe, Brittany, and the mean man are.  Through this door...”

“What about Brad?”  The baby was concerned.  Brad had saved the baby’s life many times.  More times than the baby even knew.

“We haven’t found Brad yet.”  The most beautiful nurse looked concerned, but quickly changed the subject.  “We have to stop the mean man from changing the past—and destroying the future.”

  

The baby was not surprised.  What a dumb story.  The baby was so annoyed at the vaguely-explained sci-fi turn.  It was all just some stupid device to keep the story going—a way for some arrogant writers to feel important.  And what did some nurse know about time travel, anyway?  

The baby hadn’t looked this mad since the season one finale.  And even though most babies can't shout, this baby was acting so grownup already holding a gun and looking for meaning in literature, and so this unreasonable baby started shouting at that most beautiful nurse. “Who do you work for?”

The most beautiful nurse smiled politely.  What a lady.  She opened the door, and motioned for the baby and the Giraffetasaur to follow.  She seemed very calm but, most of all, beautiful when she answered.  “I work for the writers, of course.”

Pretty much everyone was shocked.  Inside, there was an enormous television monitor hanging on the wall.  An image flickered on the screen.  It was Joe, Brittany and the mean man. They were back in time.  The Giraffetasaur recognized it right away. 

It was the same boat where—nine months earlier—Brittany and Joe’s clone made the baby.  The Giraffetasaur looked at the baby, and back to the screen.  Oh no, the mean man is going to...  The Giraffetasaur sighed when he realized what an awful mess he had created.  It was so obvious from looking at his face, he hadn't expected this.

But the most beautiful nurse just looked at the Giraffeataur and smiled: "Don't look so surprised." 

2x02: The Mean Time

Joe sat and waited for Brittany and the mean man to wake up. Joe knew they weren’t sleeping because they were tired. He should have known all along this was the surprising aftereffect of Formula X. He looked at his dog stache.

The mean man tricked me again, Joe thought. And he was snoring like such a villain.

Joe sat down and tried to get a plan, but he still couldn’t. Mostly because of the Formula X. I guess Formula X has two aftereffects, Joe thought. Or maybe the writers were just being careless again. So, Joe kept waiting for Brittany and the mean man to wake up, and he hoped that the narrative would progress in the meantime…

In the meantime, the Giraffetasaur wasn’t dying. He was pretty tough, and his blood clotted faster than most people’s. Still, he needed a bandage and some antiseptic. Mostly to prevent infection.

“I need a bandage and some antiseptic,” the Giraffetasaur told the baby. “Mostly to prevent infection.” The baby was surprised. Most babies don’t know much about preventing disease. “Give me your cell phone so I can call a nurse,” the Giraffetasaur demanded.

It shouldn’t surprise anybody that the baby didn’t have a cell phone, mostly because the baby was careless with valuable electronics. The baby was getting pretty overwhelmed by the chaotic storytelling and the lack of narrative direction. In fact, most people were.

So the baby started crying. This is absurd, the baby thought. The Giraffetasaur must have done something to my dog stache when he pricked it with that syringe. And now I’m stuck here with him.

Wow. That baby must have been pretty clever, because that’s exactly why the baby and the Giraffetasaur hadn’t been swept away by all those flashing lights and loud noises. That’s when everyone realized pretty quickly that this wasn’t a throwaway episode.

Right then a nurse came to the door. It was the prettiest nurse that most people had ever seen.  And the nurse was wearing a dog stache!

“Did somebody call a nurse?”

The Giraffetasaur and the baby had not called a nurse. Somebody must have been watching them. And they were very surprised…

In the meantime, the mean man had woken up. “I have a plan, Joe. But I’ll only tell you if you promise me right now that you’re in.” Brittany said she did not want to do anything mean. She told the mean man all about a nice plan she had, but the mean man didn’t even listen. He was probably such a sexist, but also he was hard of hearing in his right ear, so he never heard her anyway.

Joe thought hard. He had never done anything mean before. Joe liked to fight injustices and eat healthy snacks. But Joe couldn’t get a plan of his own. They were a long way from home, Joe thought. And they needed a plan to get back. Joe didn’t have a choice.

So Joe listened to the mean man’s mean plan. And at every turn, the mean man’s plan got more evil and more villainous, and the mean man kept getting meaner and meaner, and before long he was cackling like a loon! And when it was all told, Joe looked at the mean man with a glaze of astonishment painted on his face.

But the mean man smirked villainously and growled: “Don’t look so surprised.”

2x01: Taken by Surprise

The Giraffetasaur was upset, because the baby was still holding a gun to his head.  The baby was upset, because the Giraffetasaur had pricked the baby’s dog stache with a suspicious syringe.  And for no good reason, the baby thought. 

“The whole story was garbage. Formula X doesn't have any surprising aftereffects!”  The baby was still crying and suggesting that whoever wrote the story was making it up as he went along.  “And the mean man never said anything mean to Joe!  He doesn’t even seem that mean!”

The mean man stood in the darkest corner of the room.  He smiled, admiring his dirty, villainous fingernails.  Brittany had a new dress.  No one noticed the continuity error.  She offered the mean man a nail file.  The mean man said “no.”  But he did not say “thank you.” 

If Joe had been paying attention to the mean man, he would not have been surprised.  Some mean men have dirty fingernails. 

But Joe was paying attention to the baby.  

 

“I need to save the Giraffetasaur,” Joe whispered to Brad.  Joe was tired after such a surprising party, and he was having trouble getting a plan. 

“I don’t trust the mean man. We have to act now,” Brad whispered to Joe.  They looked at the mean man.  The mean man looked back and cackled and some thunder and lightning happened and there was rain hitting the roof.  It got so cold.  

 

The mean man walked to the center of the room: “Thanks to that Formula X and its aftereffects, Joe won’t be having any more plans.”

“So, that’s the surprise? No more plans?”  The baby felt disappointment.  Everyone thought it was nice the baby could experience such high-level emotions.  Maybe the baby is not so unreasonable, they thought.  But then the baby shot the Giraffetasaur, and everyone changed their minds.

Now Brittany was crying too because she loved the Giraffetasaur secretly.  She ran over to him.  “I love you!”  No one was surprised.  Everyone knew Brittany loved the Giraffetasaur.  He was so handsome. 

The Giraffetasaur started breathing heavy.  “I need to tell all of you something, before you go…”

“Before we go?” Brad quipped, “you’re the one on your way out!”  Everyone laughed, but the Giraffetasaur thought the joke was in poor taste.

“I’ll be ok…” he coughed.  “But look at your dog staches.” 

They were glowing and making loud noises.  But the baby’s was not.  Neither was the Giraffetasaur’s.

The mean man frowned at the Giraffetasaur.  “Don’t think I’ll go along with your plan, you sneak.”

The Giraffetasaur cackled.  “You won’t have a choice.” 

That’s when there was a big to-do and everything shook and bright lights flashed and before anyone knew what happened, it was just the Giraffetasaur and the baby in the room.

“What happened?!” The baby was shocked.  But the Giraffetasaur just smacked his lips…

***

Joe was the first to wake up.  Brittany and the mean man were still unconscious.  Joe realized they were not in the dark room anymore.  Where is Brad?  Joe looked around and realized what had happened.

Most people would never have guessed where they had gone to.  But Joe did.  And he was so surprised.

Sneak peak at Season Two! Wow!

Check out a new scene from the second season of Surprise Joe!  Season Two picks up right where Seasons One left off.  The baby is still being unreasonable, but Joe can't get a plan.

Can the mean man save his partner in crime?  Or will the Giraffetasaur have to save himself?

Season 2 starts July 13th!

The most surprising ever, serial mystery is back for a second season.  Join Joe, Brittany, Brad, that unreasonable baby, the sneaky Giraffetasaur, and--that's right--the mean man for more twists and turns.

The second season picks up right where the first one left off, so check out Season One now!

Praise for Season One:

Will Richardson said "i haven't gotten over the season 1 ending"!

Mary Colleary casually remarked, "btw love the blog"

John Sciuto "actually 'lol'ed'" 

Scott Barnes called it "nice"

When told she was returning as the leading lady of Surprise Joe, Brittany Combs said "i am surprised"