That’s when the baby started crying. It had been so long since the last episode and—even if anyone remembered what was going on—it didn’t explain anything! Why was Joe being so mean? Why was the nurse going around curing everyone? Who was that mean girl, yelling about that spinoff? Had Surprise Joe really been canceled? Was the Mayor really just the mean man in disguise? The baby didn’t know. And no one else really cared—they were just glad the season was finally ending.
Except Brittany. She was starting to feel weak, mostly because she had been treated as a plot device for a whole season. It was so sad, and she didn’t think anybody could ever understand the way she felt—like she wasn’t even human. But that’s when she got the biggest clue…
The Giraffetasaur could smell it: one last surprise for everyone. So he ran to Brittany’s side.
“Brittany…” He looked at her with the most handsome, unemotional eyes. “I understand how it feels to be treated like you’re not human.”
“I know,” Brittany quieted him. “But we could never…”
“No.” The Giraffetasaur looked so serious.
“I have to tell you," she said. "My first biggest fear wasn’t being alone.”
Everyone was staring.
“My first biggest fear was being with you.” No one was surprised—the Giraffetasaur was half-giraffe after all.
But the Giraffetasaur wasn’t surprised either. He just laughed. It wasn't even villainous. “Your second biggest fear was that no one would ever understand you,” he looked so charming and inhuman. “That’s why you turned back into an adult.” It made sense. No one could understand babies.
“No.” Brittany looked so emotional without being overly dramatic. Everyone was sure she would win an award. “My second biggest fear… was being without you.”
The music swelled and there were violins and fireworks and a Chinese tourist taking photographs. Everyone thought it was so romantic.
But that’s when Joe realized something. And he was so surprised. “Wait! If the baby’s writing that other show, then who’s writing—”
Everyone looked at the Giraffetasaur. He was holding a pen, but he wasn’t wearing a dog stache. And they were so surprised. “How did you get out of those chains, Giraffetasaur?”
The Giraffetasaur spoke calmly, “Brittany’s third biggest fear is humanity itself.” It sounded a little too deep for such a dumb show, but the Giraffetasaur looked like he knew what he was talking about. “Soon she will be like me.”
"Ah, Brittany! Ah, humanity!" The Mayor was making a Melville reference, but no one got it.
Brad was so mad. He had gotten out from behind those stupid Giraffetasaur bars to save Brittany—but soon she would be… Brad growled. Despite all his rage, he knew he would always be just a Brad in a cage. It was a Smashing Pumpkins reference, and everyone got it.
The nurse was immediately filled with motherly concern. She was warming up some baby formula. If Brittany wasn't going to make it, she thought, who would feed the baby?
And that big headed baby was really wailing. Brittany would be like the Giraffetasaur? What did that even mean? No one had any idea what was going on.
Except Joe. He felt the surprise pulsing through his veins. He ran over to Brittany, and pushed the Giraffetasaur out of the way. “She’ll die before she’ll ever be like you!”
“Precisely.” Everyone would’ve been so concerned by how nonchalantly the Giraffetasaur spoke about Brittany’s death, but he looked so handsome.
“You monster!” Joe was scowling. “You’ve stained this girl with your black blood.” Everyone thought Joe was being a little racist, but Joe meant “black blood” as a metaphor for the ink in the Giraffetasaur’s writing pen.
And then Brittany spoke. Of course, she had the last dialogue of the season, so everyone listened carefully. “You’re wrong…”
No one knew who to believe. Joe was such a hero, but he’d gotten so mean. And even if the Giraffetasaur was writing the show, could he actually understand human emotions? Could he understand Brittany? How was he even writing a show that got canceled almost two season ago? And whatever happened to that guy from Friends?
It was all so confusing and stupid, and no one was surprised by anything anymore and they all just wished that the show wouldn’t come back for a fourth season. But anyway, it didn't look like Brittany would survive much longer, and everyone knew the show couldn't survive without it's female lead.
It was all so confusing and stupid, and no one was surprised by anything anymore and they all just wished that the show wouldn’t come back for a fourth season. But anyway, it didn't look like Brittany would survive much longer, and everyone knew the show couldn't survive without it's female lead.
And then Brittany coughed a little. Everyone stared. “My third biggest fear,” she whispered, “is that I wouldn’t make it to season four…”
That night, Brittany grew cold. She died in her sleep.
